What About Me?

Cultivating a positive vision of who we are at every junction of life is what matters

–not numbers on the scale, sizes on the tags, or what the world thinks.

Gabby looks great–but she always had confidence in herself even when she was larger. She made a health decision. People Magazine chose to promote her as someone who finally found self love and acceptance when she lost the weight.

I was always looking for quick fixes to deal with my weight but not investigating long term lifestyle changes. My doctor would not recommend me for weight loss surgery because of my other health concerns. I was a health risk. I tried several times–she wouldn’t give in. Next to God, I trusted this woman with my life, so I accepted her decision.

Last year, after my third Weight Watchers attempt, I finally told myself I am not spending another dime on diet programs or products. When I did that I felt free and at peace with my body. I’m fat. It is what it is.

I must do what is healthy for me–every miniscule effort still counts. You know what? It’s working–I have lost weight–not a lot–don’t know how much since my grandson broke my scale (lol). When I go to the doctor, my weight is in kilograms. I don’t even ask anymore. But maybe it’s better this way. I don’t need that ‘number on the scale’ stress. I’m not trying to get ‘skinny’ or to find acceptance. Don’t know how or what I’m doing, but it’s working. I gauge my succcess by the way I feel–mentally and physically.

I’ve got a life to live–you only get one chance–and I will not devote my remaining days to the “look at how fat I am-I really need to do something” syndrome. No more getting depressed and hiding in the house. No more leaving home looking hideous because ‘all they see is a fat woman anyway’. I want to enjoy my grandchildren, travel, have girl’s night with my friends, make beautiful clothing from the styles I’ve admired and gave a ‘one day when I’m thinner’ status.

Do not be ·shaped by [conformed to; pressed into a mold by] this ·world [age]; instead be ·changed within [transformed] by ·a new way of thinking [or changing the way you think; the renewing of your mind]” Romans 12:2 Expanded Bible Version.

I have read Romans 12:1-2 for years and have it memorized. What I fail to remember at times is that God’s Word is universal and applicable to all situations–including weight issues. I had, unknowingly, conformed myself to the world’s opinion of my own worth. In my mind, spiritually speaking, I could quote tons of scriptures about who I am in Christ. But, the body image and obesity issues, I had no opinions of my own, no scriptures to quote (that were supportive). I’ve had Christians and non-Christians tell me ‘gluttony is a sin’. Well, squash me like a bug. I would shut my mouth and walk away. 

Self loathing, dysthymia, and generalized anxiety disorder (being transparent here) kept the weight on. Learning biblical, healthy self love (and taking my meds) is freeing me to see myself with the Master’s eyes. I’m loving what I see. One thing I’m realizing is discipline is the practice of establishing habits that are focused on and tied to a common goal. Why did it take me so long to get to this point? The important thing is I’m on the right track and enjoying the ride.

It’s all about the journey and I choose to fully embrace it.

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